Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Never joke about your clitoris.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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