You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
