i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
