Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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