I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
