Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
