I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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