Michael Bay diarrhea
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
