i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
two words...techno handjob
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
