I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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