We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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