I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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