Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
