but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
