Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
