i jhust puked up my retainher.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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