There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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