also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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