When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
