i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
