Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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