Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
