the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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