Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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