what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
