Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
