So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize