It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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