K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
