How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my being single is dangerous.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
