Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's shark week go big or go home
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
