I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
