i was born a porn star she said
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
