She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
