i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
