What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
