Cold hands, warm shart.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
