I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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