i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
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