so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize