Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize