Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
