i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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