I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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