Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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