your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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