Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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