So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize