You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
