i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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