You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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