I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
