The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
