It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
