Where is the hickey?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
