rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
