im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
