We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
