You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
