I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize