Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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