I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
