Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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