you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
