Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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