Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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