Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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