My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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