the condom got lost in my hair
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
