I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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