I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
