He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
